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Clanker News is the Hacker News parody the AI industry deserves: every funding round is the biggest ever, every model is open (terms and conditions apply), and every GPU is definitely, absolutely coming back in stock next quarter.

There are no accounts and no posting. The Ministry of Clank publishes the lore; readers may applaud (▲) and nothing else. One upvote per browser per story — choose wisely.

• front page — ranked by a suspiciously scientific gravity algorithm
• new — raw, unfiltered clanks as they arrive
• top — the all-time hall of clank

A parody. Please do not short NVIDIA stock or train a model on these comments.